Scotland, a Lawyer’s Dream

If you know someone who is eligible to vote in this week’s referendum in Scotland, please tell them to vote “yes” for an independent Scotland.

There are probably good arguments for an independent Scotland (as there may be against it), but I never managed to focus on any of them, because as soon as I heard of the idea, my lawyer’s mind went “$$$$$!!”.

Part of a country splitting from that country with the seceding part wishing to remain in the EU while the remaining part wants to get out of the EU and with the seceding part wishing to retain the monarch, the currency and possibly the military of the remaining country against that country’s wishes, and all of that in a country which doesn’t even have a written constitution. Wow. You couldn’t have made that up if you wanted to. That will take thousands of lawyers several years to sort out. If you start law school now, you better learn Scottish.

This is my dream scenario:

• Scotland will narrowly vote “yes” for independence.
• The vote will be so close that it will be contested. A recount will be demanded.
• Different courts will decide this matter differently, with the UK Supreme Court weighing in and Scottish courts disputing the jurisdiction of the UK Supreme Court because after all Scotland is now independent.
• In some parts of Scotland, referendums will be initiated for independence from an independent Scotland with the goal of remaining part of the UK.
• After Queen Elizabeth II does not refuse becoming Queen of Scotland, republicans in the remaining UK start a referendum, seeking to abolish the monarchy.
• Northern Ireland wonders why it can’t join the Republic of Ireland.
• Wales demands greater autonomy.
• The Queen dies. Prince William accedes to the throne of England, his brother Harry accedes to the throne of Scotland. Prince Charles sues both of them.
• Now Scots launch a referendum of their own, seeking to abolish the monarchy.
• The people behind the campaign to abolish the monarchy in the remaining UK want to withdraw their referendum, because now that Scotland has a King, they want to keep theirs too.
• After 3 years of legal debate and court cases, someone (a lawyer who dreams of a bigger share of the pie) notices that the fate of the Isle of Man, Guernsey, Jersey and Sark has been unresolved for centuries and needs to be put on proper legal grounding. He initiates independence movements there (in the case of the three Channel Islands secretly but heavily supported by France).
• The UK holds a referendum on whether to leave the EU, but it remains unclear whether Scots are allowed to take part in the referendum.
• Scotland argues that it is part of the EU because the UK was when it split and that it doesn’t need to apply as a new state. The EU’s opinion on this is evenly divided.
• Germany splits into 16 states, arguing that they are now 16 independent member states of the EU, and claims 16 EU commissioners.
• Scotland applies to the UN, but it’s application is vetoed by the UK’s ambassador. Scotland argues that the UK no longer exists and that he is therefore no longer ambassador at all, but in any case that he has no more veto power. The UN Security Council is evenly split on the issue.
• Some of the local referendums in Scotland were successful and the remaining UK accepts them as UK territory. Scotland however does not recognize the independence of these counties. As some of them are on the coast, they also claim part of the territorial waters, including oil, gas and fishing rights.
• It is revealed that King William is actually not Queen Elizabeth II’s grandson. He has to abdicate, upon which his wife immediately leaves him. Now King Harry of Scotland and Prince Charles both lay claim to the title of King of England, Wales and Northern Ireland.

and so on, and so on, and so on … until somebody will discover that a military conflict with a clear result is sometimes a better dispute resolution mechanism than anything that lawyers can achieve.

If you think that this is far-fetched and you believe that no country in the world would opt to go through such a complicated mess, watch the following video. If it will happen anywhere, it will happen in this country.