The true Identity of Mitt Romey

Mitt Romney, one of the Republican Party‘s contenders for President of the United States of America raises a question among voters: “Who is Mitt Romney really?” Obviously, even Republicans have some serious doubts about his identity. How else would you explain that the best-looking candidate who hasn’t done any mistakes in his campaign cannot pull ahead and out of a race with the likes of Newt Gingrich, Rick Santorum and Ron Paul?

Like you, I’ve been thinking “Who is Mitt Romney really?” while I was following the campaign over the past few weeks. Unlike you, I didn’t forget about the question the next minute to watch the NFL or to walk the dog, but I spent every free minute of my life on this investigative quest. I vowed not to give up, I vowed to look under every stone, for every piece of evidence. Because of this perseverance, ladies and gentlemen, voters and pundits, this blog can today reveal the world exclusive truth about Mitt Romney’s real identity:

But let’s start with the last shred of evidence that finally gave Mr Romney away. You know this feeling when you watch him or listen to him: you know there is something wrong, something fake, but you can’t quite put your finger on it. Then, today, I saw this photo of Mitt Romney making phone calls in Florida yesterday, on the day of the Florida primary.

I thought “I’ve seen this guy before, somewhere else, and he was not on a phone then. It was also not in Florida.” Then it suddenly dawned on me where I had met him before.

It had been a few years ago, but there could be no doubt. It was him.

• exactly the same hairstyle
• the same shirt
• no tie
• still good-looking even though the hair got a bit grey
• holding the phone now like he used to hold the gun back then
• and the same smirk

There are more give-aways, like the love for gambling:

the same dress code and pretend-serious look:

He never could resist women:

“So who is this guy?” you ask. Do not despair if you don’t recognize him, because it is his job to hide his true identity. Yet today, under immense fear for my own safety, I can reveal that Mitt Romney is James Bond, a British spy. His last cover was that of Pierce Brosnan, an actor, but had you ever wondered why Pierce Brosnan hadn’t appeared in too many films in recent years? Now you have the explanation! He was busy in Massachusetts.

Did you, like many others, also wonder what this “Bain Capital” venture capitalism story was about? Now it’s obvious why nobody understood what Mitt Romney did there: because he never really worked there!

Here is some more footage of “Mitt Romney” in his previous job:

And Mr Romney thought his Mormonism was a problem.